Dreaming of World Domination

Although nothing he has done previously has indicated any ambition for Wales, Carwyn Jones seems to have woken from his latest afternoon snooze with a game plan that might just make a difference to our fortunes.

Personally, I blame it all on Kim Howells. His one brief moment of fame came when he chaired a session of the United Nations Security Council ... and he has never stopped telling any of his party colleagues about it since.


     Kim Howells chairs the UN Security Council

Some medical experts say that this is the cause of Carwyn's narcolepsy. For faced with the same endlessly repeated tale, falling asleep is usually a much better option that running amok with a machete or sub-machine gun, and Carwyn isn't really cut out for anything so active.

But as he slumbered, Kim's words worked their way deep into his subconscious mind. Yes, he thought, my small country can hold the superpowers to account. They will listen to us ... if only ... if only ...


Then it came to him in a flash – and the explosive force of several megatons of TNT proved to be enough, though only just, to wake him up while he still remembered what he had been dreaming about. When Scotland becomes independent, the UK will have to find a new home for its weapons of mass destruction nuclear deterrent. The Scots have been complete fools not to want to keep them. Any real country would surely want to get its own way be a force for good in the world.

But what if Wales took them instead?

Carwyn isn't stupid. He has known for some time that Wales will become independent ... although maybe not for the next ten years. So if we can fool the UK government into spending a fortune to build a new nuclear submarine base in Milford Haven, but declare independence after that and then decide to keep the nuclear weapons rather than force England to find yet another home for them (which they probably couldn't afford to build anyway) we will be the ones that inherit the former UK's permanent seat at the United Nations Security Council.

Wales will finally be on the map. The Russians and the Chinese—not to mention those pesky Americans—will have to listen to us now. And in just the same way as the French have used their position at the table to ensure that all UN documents are translated into French, we will be able to ensure that everything is translated into Welsh.

At last we in Wales will have achieved our aim of world domination.

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Efrogwr said...

Yeahhessss! At least Carwyn is showing signs of strategic thought. A Welsh empire, erm, I mean fraternal Celtic unity, will now be possible. Our non nuclear neighbour England will surely have no objections to the reunification of North Wales (aka Cymru) with the original South Wales (Cornwall). From that bridgehead we can move on for the main prize, Brittany. That's where the nukes come in. After that, the UN won't need any documents in French anyway.

Anonymous said...

while traditionally a unilateralist and a disarmer i must say having read this inspiring article the idea of a 'welsh bomb'....as mooted by 'Carwyn Strangelove' yesterday ....is really beginning to grow on me!

Leigh Richards

Anonymous said...

.... if only.

Democritus said...

Assuming the Scots vote yes in 2014 it isn't just the 4 Vanguard's that will need a new home, but the Rest of the UK (RoUK) submarine fleet too.

The maingate decision on whether to build replacements for the 4 Vanguards would almost certainly be heavily influenced by new situation in which the RoUK finds itself minus Scotland.

The Scottish Select Ctte took evidence on this fairly recently and it simply isn't possible to just move Rosyth lock, stock and barrel to Milford, Falmouth or wherever. Presumably a Teaty Ports type interim arrangement would be negotiated as per Eire / Sevastopol. Failing that tho the best best option wld be Brest

Jac o' the North, said...

The idea of Carwyn having any ambitions for Wales beyond being us England's footstool is just too presposterous for words.

This is a brain fart (expression I read yesterday) that he will look back on with great embarrassment.

Anonymous said...

How does the song go?

"Royal-fawning, Trident-loving, dire government-running Carwyn..."

Anonymous said...

Fact is, most Labour supporters and members don't give a flying fish. They want Wales to be a foot soldier for England/UK - that's the whole point of Wales.

Carwyn knows the Labour supporter and they'd be quite happy to have Trident - as long as it doesn't take away or undermine the existing jobs at the Costal Path, Gas and Oil refinery - which to be honest, I don't think it does.

Anti-nuclear people need to decide what the line is. Trident is either a waste of money - in which case it's not going to be used nor going to be a target and in which case doesn't create any threat to Pembrokeshire/Wales. Or, Trident is a war-head which could be used in which case its not a waste of money but a strategic deterrent. A deterent against whom, I'n not sure.

But most people are British nationalists and they'll back Trident if it means jobs for them. Carwyn knows this that's why there'll be no opposition from Labour AMs.


Welsh not British said...

The most depressing thing is that in an independent Wales our energy, water and labour would be so cheap that the world would take notice of us. Simply because the worlds companies would be begging us to come here.

But of course English voters are more important than us.

Anonymous said...

Cardi makes some good points. Not quite sure when he/she says "Anti-nuclear people need to decide what the line is. Trident is either a waste of money...Or, Trident is a war-head which could be used in which case its not a waste of money but a strategic deterrent".

It's true that anti-Trident feeling in Wales would manifest differently to anti-Trident feeling in Scotland. I'm not sure there's need to decide one of two lines about the utility of the nukes. Tailoring the message depending on who you're talking to is important.

UK public opinion is against renewing trident, 63% at the last yougov poll. Presumably those against also wouldn't want to locate it in Wales. But it's possible Wales could deviate from this because of our hunger for jobs at any costs and lack of self-respect. That would be very depressing but remember public opinion in Wales was also against the war in Iraq for example, so the British nationalist appeal doesn't always work.

Neilyn said...

Is there something else afoot here?

If the V boats and their replacements found their way to Aberdaugleddau, that could potentially give English Imperialists and their servants in Wales a strong argument to prevent Wales ever becoming an independent state i.e. it wouldn't be safe for the wider "international community" if such technology was located within the sovereign territory of such a small, fragile, marginal and unimportant state, run by such inexperienced hands......well, let's face it, you never know what THEY might do, do you?

As Master James of St.George said in his letter to Edward Longshanks when reporting on progress with the building of a new military fortress on the southern shores of Ynys Mon, "Welshmen will be Welshmen".

Unknown said...

Carwyn appears to have learned for his master, Kin Howells in matters of international diplomacy. When Kim Howells was a junior minister int the department of warrrr in London, he losl a lot of guns and stuff to our new friend Ghadaffi. When things kicked off in Libya, he went on to QT and claimed that it would be absolutely impossible for the regime to use these against its own civilians as there was a clause in the contract forbidding it! Carwyn's grasp of the realities of war appears to be just as sketchy!

Unknown said...

** for losi read Sold!

Anonymous said...

After Kim Howells retired I saw the human side of him a bit. The guy likes art and seems nice enough.

But as a politician he represented the worst of Welsh-person-being-validated by participating in imperial games. It was a bit weird how after he retired he suddenly started criticising all of these wars he had voted for.

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